You don’t know shit that I know

And you’re the shithead

If you’re the princes Then we’re the frogs And you’re the pussies Cause we’re the motherunderfuckingdogs

You don’t know shit that I know

Let’s go drink some fucking beer

Why don’t someone roll a joint?

Why don’t we all smoke it here?

I got the need, yo

I go crazy I keeping thinking of those

Tight little mammas

In my pajamas

Or just walking down the street!

Oh! I can frigging taste them

Oh! They’re everywhere!

We crash

In my apartment

Or on a park bench

It’s so easy when they please me

Here and there and everywhere

Scratch my back and pull my hair

Down Up

Side to side

Climb aboard and watch the time fly by

Oh! I can see them!

In my dreams

And when I wake-up I start loving on those

Soft little bodies

Exotic hotties

Man, they keep me up at all night.

Grinding, finding time to get naked and unwind

My life is just a cocktail party mixed with chicks

And Biology

A little bit of modern technology

I’m a man of science a man with a plan

I have the girls eating out of the palm of my hand

I use all the wonders of the world

I put them to their best use scamming on girls

No matter who they think they are

Their knees get weak

When I introduce them to my scientific technique

They go – oh yeah, keep doing what you’re doing right there

So I’m working on this girl that works at hooters

She’s already impressed that I got a computer

I’m punching in facts and figures and dates

I’m formulating what angle to take

So it ain’t too long before she’s back in my room

With a whir, a blip, a bang and a boom

Yeah, it ain’t too long before she starts to freak

Cause I introduced to my scientific technique

A mail-order bride

She’d cook me pancakes

While I was sleeping off my high

And she’d be lovely

She’d be at the wash and dry

Folding my laundry

While I was drinking with the guys

She’ll never complain

Or holler

She’ll only cost me

Four hundred dollars

When I’m hung over

She’ll call me in sick

Give me a hummer

And climb on my dick

And when it’s over

She’ll rub me down with Vicks

She’ll do what I’ll say

Or she’ll know she’ll get the stick

She’ll cook grilled cheese

And fish sticks

She’ll pay all my bills

She won’t speak English

She won’t smell like

A sewer

Every night

I will do her

Yeah I want

Let the smell in

Love the life that you eat

Never stop the pace

Make her ride your face

Make her laugh for relief

Ooh, step right up!

Don’t miss the chance of a lifetime

Hey ladies, free mustache rides

Pent up muscles

Rolling walrus head

Stiffening up like a jack

Make her scream my name

Make her go insane

Klepto-bitch steals my sack

Ooh, step right up!

Don’t miss the chance of a lifetime

Hey ladies, free mustache rides

Last night I had a dream

I kept repeating the same old thing

Over and over the same suck song

I woke up puking I needed my bong

Bong Hits Handjobs and Food

Another night I could not sleep

I tried a drink I tried everything

I woke my girl and I begged her please

She rubbed one out and I caught some zzzz’s

Bong Hits Handjobs and Food

Last night I got up to pee

I was wrecked I could not see

Went to the kitchen to save my life

At a bar one night

You’re hitting on some broads

And it’s working just right

But there’s one girl there who’s the ugly duck

And if she gets neglected you all are out of luck

And if that chickie there

Has a hellacious odor

Or she’s walking with a limp

Because she’s older than Yoda

If she’s missing some teeth

Or she’s sporting a mullet

You need a guy like me cause I will take the bullet

Yeah if thing look worse upon closer inspection

Her two eyes are looking in different directions

If she’s plain or homely or an outright dog

She’s got shorts like daisy duke

And a body like boss hog

See I don’t really care if she’s ugly or bigger

I love em all when my finger is on the trigger

If she’s ready and willing and itching to pull it

Just call on me cause I will take the bullet

So if she’s good from afar but far from good

Or if she sleeps with every loser in the neighborhood

If she’s greasy or she’s beastly

Or a little to scary

If she’s cheesy or she’s sleazy or a lot too hairy

Or she’s got death breath And it’s making you woozy

And you need a guy like me who is not to choosy

If she’s frumpy or she’s lumpy

Or she’s got a big gullet

Named Texarkana

Finest girl who lives north of Havana

Her tits her lips

Her face her ass

When we’re in bed I come too fast

Texarkana!

I think I’m coming

I swear I need something else to think about

Like baseball

Rosie O’Donnell

Oprah

Bloody lips

Male twins

Grandpa naked

Valentines

Wedding

Couple of kids

O shit, she tilt her hips

I don’t think I’ll make it

Texarkana!

I think I’m coming

I could read people’s minds or tell them where to go

Found our bosses’ brains told him we don’t have to show up

Had the store drop off a case so that we could get fucked up

The traffic helicopter landed in my backyard

When the pilot dropped me downtown he handed me his platinum card

I bought new sneakers and a fuzzy hat

Found a fellow stoner to hand me a packed bat

I think I’m in your head

I was about to have a cop shoot himself in the foot

When I caught this dark hottie giving me the right look

I turned off my power cause I don’t need it to flow

She said there was a party and she wanted me to go

I then bust out I had telekinesis

I used it, man, to lift up her skirt. Yes!

I did read her mind she was delighted to show me

Kick in the Nuts

I don’t wear a bullseye

It’s quite the opposite

I wear an arrow

It’s pointed at you

Kick in the Nuts

Full of lots of girlies that we’re getting to know

I dig the not-so-hots I see in their bikinis by the pool

I dig the hot-hot-hots arriving congregating in the vestibule

That’s right, this shit will erupt

We all came to get fucked up

It’s about to get nuts

We all here for some

Banging and Getting Banged up

Thirteen kegs in the yard, a hundred people in the kitchen

All the girls that I’m working are all looking all bitchin

Yeah, they’re getting all wild all crazy and unwieldy

Yeah, they’re getting hot and bothered, yeah; they’re getting touchy-feely

That’s right, this shit will erupt

We all came to get fucked up

It’s about to get nuts

We will never stop