Ape Fight Music

At a bar one night

You’re hitting on some broads

And it’s working just right

But there’s one girl there who’s the ugly duck

And if she gets neglected you all are out of luck

And if that chickie there

Has a hellacious odor

Or she’s walking with a limp

Because she’s older than Yoda

If she’s missing some teeth

Or she’s sporting a mullet

You need a guy like me cause I will take the bullet

Yeah if thing look worse upon closer inspection

Her two eyes are looking in different directions

If she’s plain or homely or an outright dog

She’s got shorts like daisy duke

And a body like boss hog

See I don’t really care if she’s ugly or bigger

I love em all when my finger is on the trigger

If she’s ready and willing and itching to pull it

Just call on me cause I will take the bullet

So if she’s good from afar but far from good

Or if she sleeps with every loser in the neighborhood

If she’s greasy or she’s beastly

Or a little to scary

If she’s cheesy or she’s sleazy or a lot too hairy

Or she’s got death breath And it’s making you woozy

And you need a guy like me who is not to choosy

If she’s frumpy or she’s lumpy

Or she’s got a big gullet